The pain he feels mounts,
The would from his heart begins to gush,
He screams until his face turns red,
His screams are inaudible.
He is in a sea of blood,
He descends deeper and deeper,
Into the empty abyss,
Left to be alone for all eternity,
She only left him with this pain and a sea of blood.
I like your poem a lot! I like the imagery of blood. You did well bringing the emotions to life. My favorite lines were, "His screams are inaudible...He descends deeper and deeper,
ReplyDeleteInto the empty abyss." This is well-written...I'm still trying to figure out why you think you aren't good at poetry!
That poem was really misleading. The words are a bit extreme, but overall it's good. Way better than mine
ReplyDeleteI feel as if many people can relate to this poem, especially when you said "He descends deeper and deeper",and "Left to be alone for all eternity". I also really liked your choice of words, for example, "inaudible" and "abyss". Good job, keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this poem immensely. The wounded heart and the image of a unheard scream is clearly represented, and all of the diction used supports these images. The association to a girl at the end raps it up perfectly. Well done.
ReplyDeleteJustin! You did a very good job with this poem. At first I got the impression that someone was being killed, but when I continued to read, i realized that it may of been about heart break. You used a lot of good vocabulary, and really gave the color red a good meaning. Good Job :)
ReplyDelete